When I married a surgeon, I might have romanticized the profession more than the reality of building a life with someone who is always on call and working extreme shifts. But while I understood that my husband’s job was demanding, I did not expect him to be a negligent father.

Since we have been living together, my husband, David, has shown me that he thinks he’s very important because of his job. He acts like he’s too special to deal with family stuff because he’s always busy and stressed from work. When he’s home, even the happy sounds of our daughters bother him.

At this point, I believe David thinks his job is enough to make him a good husband and father because he fails to see the need to put that same effort into our family. The most painful part is that he does not even see how this affects our daughters.

Luckily, my father has been my rock. He has been here to help. He does a lot for us. He’s the one who’s changed their diapers, taught them to ride a bike, attended their plays and dance recitals, helped with homework, and even dressed as Santa. Dad organizes the Easter egg hunts and hosts the tea parties. My husband has considered himself too important and seems fine to have missed out on all these moments.

Even though my husband doesn’t do much at home, he gets upset that the kids are closer to their grandpa than to him. He doesn’t want to help my dad with money problems, either. Instead, he wants my dad to go away to the countryside even though we have the means to help him.

I think it is even more cruel that he believes that my father deserves to be sent to the countryside when he could not only live comfortably with us but actually build a relationship with his grandchildren.

We had many conversations around this, and some have turned into arguments, but I have tried to explain to him how much my father helps and why we need him. Although the conversations never ended with a solid conclusion, the decision never got to the point of kicking my father out.

But one day, my husband miraculously came home early, and the kids were playing outside with my father. He arrived thinking the girls would jump at him, but they gave him no reaction. For the first time in years, I think that was the moment that made David realize the impact of his absence in our daughters’ lives.

That was not the only confrontation he had about the kind of father he was. When the kids finally came to greet him, they came with drawings they had made. The girls had drawn their family, and instead of adding my husband, they included their grandfather and wrote “we love mommy and grandpa,” which was a big slap in the face for David.

My husband got really angry at me and, most of all, at my father. He immediately started shouting, telling me that the girls did not see him as a father because their grandfather had taken over. I was not trying to have this argument again, especially in front of my dad or my children, so I kept telling him to keep his voice down.

But that did not work. In the process of me telling him to keep it down and him getting louder, he ended up saying, “You have to kick your dad out of our house because he turns our daughters against me.”

He was certain that had my father not been at home with us, the kids would not have even thought of making such drawings or wouldn’t have told me they “loved their Grandpa more.” I tried to explain that it was not that they loved him more; they just got used to how involved he was in their life.

David was not trying to listen to anything I was saying. It seemed like the sight of my father with the girls made him angrier, so he blurted out, “If you don’t make him get away from here, I’ll do it myself and will never allow him to see them ever again.”

I could not comprehend that David thought he could manipulate the situation and threaten to kick my father out of my kids’ lives. Things have never been the same since that explosion, and I decided to leave our house.

I do not think it’s fair that I’m stuck in the middle, trying to keep my family happy. I want my kids to have their grandpa around because he’s so good to them. But I also cannot deal with what my husband wants only when it suits him.

It has been difficult to process this, but to be honest, my husband has not changed a bit. He only got angry at that moment to stroke his ego, but his work is still what defines him, and I believe my children deserve better.

I wanted to raise them in a two-parent household filled with love, but now I think a divorce might be the only way I can give them a peaceful home. I never wanted this. I tried so hard to keep this all together so we didn’t wind up here. But I failed. David and I failed our children.

The girls, dad, and I moved out and have been living with my sister while we wait for our new home. I am looking at the brighter side, and I am very grateful to have my amazing father as a father figure in their lives.