When my spouse, Peter, 40, and I, Shannon, 35, argued over who should pay for takeaway, it highlighted our financial inequalities. I earn more than Peter, which makes him less concerned about our finances.

He insisted that as the wife, my role was to cook. Since I couldn’t always do that, he thought I should pay for our meals, despite our shared expenses on groceries and rent.

My recent promotion as the head of a department increased my responsibilities, including late work nights, unlike Peter, who finishes his job at 4:00 p.m.

After a day’s work, I return home by 5:30 p.m., finding Peter already relaxed, watching videos or playing games. He occasionally does chores, like cleaning the bathroom once a month or doing dishes, but not without complaining.

A few months ago, Peter, under the influence of a few drinks, made a bold claim in front of friends that he was “investing all his money in my [expletive].”

That was a wake-up call for me. I started keeping a meticulous record of our expenses. I downloaded receipts for everything—groceries, phone bills, rent, Uber, holidays, plane tickets—the works, all paid by me.

Yet, Peter argued that these were my choices, although he forgot the fishing trip he dearly wanted, which I also paid for without asking him for anything.

Despite these revelations, Peter’s stance didn’t soften. Last month, during a vacation, he only contributed about $200 towards our monthly expenses, claiming that since he wasn’t paid for most of the month, that was all he could offer.

I didn’t give him a hard time for this nor did I complain because I knew that he hadn’t been paid for most of that month. However, he started working again yet Peter refused to give me anything beyond what he is currently responsible for paying.

Once back at work, he still refused to help beyond the basics of rent and bills, emphasizing that as the woman of the house, cooking should be my job.

Exhausted, I suggested he might cook sometimes, or at least heat some ready meals. He retorted, asking what the point of getting married was if he had to cook.

Last week, I dragged myself through the door after work. I’ve been up since 5 a.m. and worked until 7 p.m. So, I barely step foot in the kitchen, and he’s like, “Hey, hun. I picked up some food. You owe me 200 bucks. Just pop it in my wallet.”

I said, “Excuse me? We both eat, don’t we? Shouldn’t we split that at least?” Peter doubled down in his response, saying, “Nope. You’re the wife. Cooking’s your gig. If you’re not gonna cook, you gotta pay for the food I get.”

I almost hit the floor. But, I bit my tongue, thinking I had to teach him a lesson. So, the next day, when my husband asked me to go on a short trip with him to unwind, I devised my revenge.

This was the turning point for me. Assuming I would pay as usual, his suggestion backfired spectacularly when I responded, “Dear, you’re the ‘man of the house,’ so it’s YOUR GIG to 100% financially provide our vacations. So if you don’t pay, you don’t go anywhere.”

That hit him hard. He realized his mistakes and acknowledged the imbalance in our relationship. Peter agreed to start cooking during the week and reassessed his views on our roles. This change was a significant step towards understanding and valuing the efforts and sacrifices we both make.

Looking back, Peter and I went 50-50 in everything we did together. However, for one summer holiday trip, I paid $3,000 from my own pocket and I didn’t ask him for a dime.

I even bought 90% of the clothes and shoes he wears. As for him, he only spent the rest of his money on fishing gear (which he already has) or some gadgets.

Between the two of us, I’m more responsible when it comes to finances whereas he’s the opposite. This is why we manage our money separately, I don’t trust Peter with financial responsibilities.

Moreover, before our agreement, I had suggested counseling and he laughed off the idea in my face. He told me that he didn’t need anyone telling him what to do because he knew what he wanted.

I know we still have a long way to go and I’m also trying my best to meet him halfway in terms of house chores. Hopefully, moving forward, Peter will be more open to my suggestions to make our lives bearable. I’m relieved Peter finally saw my perspective, even if it meant bruising his ego.